what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
