Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
