yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
