The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i was born a porn star she said
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
