My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
