Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Randomize
