i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize
