I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
