i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
