My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
