Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
