Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
