then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
