i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
