i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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