she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
