I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
