Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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