You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
