And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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