Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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