I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I did not marry a roomba.
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