literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
