On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
