ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
