Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
