You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
