Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
