woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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