I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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