Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize