You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
