I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
