Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize