Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
