I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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