Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
