no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
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Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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