Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
