You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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