I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
