I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
