So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
