Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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