pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
