Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
