I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
