Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
someone owes me an orgasm
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
