No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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