I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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