i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
