I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
