I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
