I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
