The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
