I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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