A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
