It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
