Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
