The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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