I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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