They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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