I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
