I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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