He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
