i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
