just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize