i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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