I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
