This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
