need another drink. this is the easiest way
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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