If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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