Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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