btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
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I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
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His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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